Guest Editor Joel Chusid

Guest Editor

Greetings from 30,000 feet over the Amazon! I’m a little late with my column as I’ve been so busy of late. So a six-hour flight from São Paulo to Bogotá gave me some free time to catch up as one can only stare out the window for so long at the jungle below.

Airborne Hazards – Terriers and Tea

Earlier this month a US Airways flight from Newark to Phoenix made an emergency landing in Pittsburgh after an 89-year old passenger let her dog out of a carry-on kennel after its sedative wore off.  “Mandy” attacked a flight attendant and a passenger. The Manchester terrier was only twelve pounds, but apparent size doesn’t matter when it comes to bites. The pilot decided to divert and have the injuries looked at by medical personnel, and 122 passengers were delayed. Mandy and her owner were arranged alternate transportation rather than be the victim of “glares that could kill” by angry inconvenienced travelers likely to mss their connections. A few months earlier, a Ryanair flight from Liverpool to Poznan, Poland made an emergency landing in Bremen, Germany after a 56-year old woman spilled a cup of tea on herself. Ryanair dropped her off, and then, in Ryanair fashion, sent her on her way by train.

Tiger on a Plane

Last August, Thai police apprehended a woman who checked a bag on a flight filled with stuffed tiger toys, since it contained one drugged baby tiger. The oversized bag revealed a live animal during the X-Ray process. The woman was bound for Iran, where the tiger cub would have been sold for $3,200 as an exotic pet. She denied knowledge of the two-month old cub among the toys, claiming she was carrying the bag for someone else. She faces up to four years in prison. Rule #1: You just don’t carry someone else’s bags unless you know what is in them and have seen it with your own eyes! A man arriving in Mexico City last summer was found to have 18 “titi” monkeys stashed in his belt.  These tiny monkeys are a protected species and require a permit for ownership.  Rule #2: Don’t carry animals in your belt! Now the right way to transport animals was what Virgin America did last year in “Operation Chihuahua” when it made news for transporting dozens of the dogs in style to loving homes in New York after the City of San Francisco Animal Care & Control asked for help due to an overpopulation problem.  Complete with red carpet and doggie treats, airline employees volunteered to escort the pooches, which became a media event. There are loads of pictures of the pups, easy to find online.

Nostalgia Flies On

There aren’t that many old Russian airplanes still flying around. Today’s airlines of the old Soviet Union and from countries in the former’s sphere of influence in Eastern Europe have phased them out of their fleet years ago. Even venerable Aeroflot has upgraded to a modern fleet of Boeing and Airbus airplanes.  I’ve flown on some of those old Tupolevs and Illyushins years ago. Latvian Airlines let me observe the landing in Riga from the cockpit on a then ancient Russian jet. There I joined seven others; there was a crew of four, three other observers and no jump seats! (“Just hold on, it’ll be fine!” It was. I have photos to prove it.) I recall a single cloth towel in the lavatory that had a large window. Now, just this week, Azerbaijan Airlines announced new services in 2011 to Russia with Tupolev TU-134 and TU-154 airliners. A scary thought!

Former Airline Staff Get Creative

When airline bankruptcies or shutdowns result in a large number of staff layoffs, employees are often forced to turn other careers to make ends meet.  When Mexicana flight attendants found themselves on the street after the airline shut down, a number of them posed for a pin-up calendar, dressed in bikinis or airline outfits with airplanes in the background. This wasn’t a first, since Spain’s Air Comet flight attendants posed nude for a calendar when the carrier shut down earlier this year. But when Japan Airlines filed for bankruptcy last winter and then had to downsize, it was the flight attendant uniforms that suddenly became valuable. Apparently the ensemble worn by the crews was in high demand for use in Tokyo’s sex clubs, according to the weekly tabloid, Asahi Geino.  The London Times picked up the story. JAL took pains to play down the concern, saying the garments had serial numbers and remained the property of the company when employees ended employment. Reportedly ANA sews computer chips into their uniforms to keep track of them. The tabloid reported a rare full uniform set was available on the Japanese Yahoo auction site for over $3000.

Flight Safety Demo Goes Viral

Philippine carrier Cebu Pacific Airlines has a reputation for keeping passengers entertained with inflight trivia games. Recently some of their female flight attendants danced down the aisles and performed their safety demonstration to the music of Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” and Katy Perry’s “California Girls”. Reportedly this was actually done when the plane was at cruising altitude, with the requisite safety briefing done on the ground properly to remain in legal compliance. Passengers applauded after the show, and some of the videos shot by the passengers made it to YouTube. One of the videos had over seven million hits in five days, but there are dozens more to be found online. Not to be outdone, some male flight attendants got into the act with a musical safety demo of their own.

Weird In-flight Map Locations

I always enjoy watching the inflight map to see the flight’s progress, but I have always wondered who chooses the cities that are shown. Sometimes they’re obscure or places that are far too small to be on a flight map in the first place.  Why does Veracruz, Mexico warrant being shown when Mexico City is left off? Why is Bridgetown, the not very well known capital, labeled instead of the better known island of Barbados?  A year or two ago, BMI caused a storm when the map on its flights between London and Tel Aviv did not even identify Tel Aviv or the country of Israel. Well, it turns out there was an explanation. Two of the airplanes flying the route were acquired from a Middle Eastern airline that had programmed the system to eliminate references to Israel, except for the city of Haifa, which was shown in its Arabic name, Khefa.  The airline apologized and acknowledged it was a technical error, and the planes were pulled from the route.  By the way, on my current flight, the close up map on my current flight is showing no city or even settlement nearby at all, just green jungle!

On the Ground

The Lafayette, Louisiana Airport has special memories for me since it was the airport I flew into on the day American Eagle was born, November 1, 1984, on a spacious Convair 540. It was a big news day in Lafayette, but over the years it’s been pretty quiet. Then just a couple of days before Christmas this year, the airport made news again. A suspicious item in a bag being X-rayed resulted in the airport being closed while the potential danger could be checked out by bomb-sniffing dogs. It turns out the bag contained a frozen chicken and a miner’s headlamp, with wires attached. Oh, and it was stuffed with crawfish, something well known in Lafayette.  People do pack strange things. Years ago I lost a bag when traveling to DFW from Newark. When asked to name some specific, unique items it contained (“not just clothing”), I sheepishly told the baggage claim agent that there were six cans of tuna fish in it.

Speaking of “on the ground”, I can’t resist this. While not an airplane story, it happened in an airport hotel last night in the town of Guarulhos, near the São Paulo International Airport. The bilingual menu offered Spaghetti Bolognese, with “tomato sauce with tainted meat.” I opted for something else.

Have a great year, everyone!

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