Guest Editor Joel Chusid

Guest Editor

On the Ground

Usually I write this column on an airplane over some exotic place, but this time it’s on the ground in gray, damp Seattle. This spring has been unusually chilly and wet, blamed on La Niña. But I just returned from my 19^th trip to China, where Beijing has been hot and very dry. While on Hainan Island, I managed to squeeze in a sightseeing Sunday visiting Sanya. Sanya looks stunningly like Honolulu, from the mountains and beaches to the high rise condos, yachts and many tourist attractions. The tourists, however, tend to be from throughout China, and many are from Russia and Eastern Europe. To get to Sanya, I took the bullet train, but as I booked at the last minute, it was made clear to me that there were no seats available so I had to stand (the alternative was to take a train two hours later), so I did…which wasn’t so bad for an hour and a half, but consider this…..

Standing on a Plane

Standing on a train or bus is one thing, but five hours upright on a plane is something else. That’s what recently happened to six passengers on Russian carrier Tatarstan Airways flight from Antalya, Turkey to Ekaterinburg, Russia. At the last minute, a 148-seat Boeing 737 was substituted for one with only 142 places, resulting in six less seats. The  oversold customers were given a choice of taking a flight seven hours later, sitting with a lap child (but reportedly the children were too big) or standing, so that’s what they did! They flew through turbulence and had no seat belts, and demanded compensation on landing, though far more than the company was willing to pay. Maybe this airline should install straps from the overhead bins for standees, or more seriously, the regulatory authorities need to look into their safety standards. The last news on this was the latter was underway.

Kung Fu Fight…er Flight

There are often reports of disruptive passengers aboard airline flights. Hong Kong Airlines is taking steps to train its flight attendants in martial arts to provide their mostly female staff with a skill to deal with disorderly passengers or a security threat. In reality, they’re being trained in wing chun, a form of kung futhat is buy a woman for use by women and is especially suited for confined spaces. The training is optional for all staff, but mandatory for flight crew. The airline also points out that it’s also a great way to keep physically fit. A short video explaining the training can be found online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOb1sHlO4Zk. What is even more interesting is that Hong Kong Airlines uses the wing chun theme in its TV commercials. Here’s the 30-second Chinese version, followed immediately by the English one:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IJ_5kl6iZY&NR=1. Martial arts have been employed by sky marshals, no pun intended, but this is the first time to my knowledge that an airline has required its flight attendants to undergo this kind of training, and used it as a selling point.

Boeing 747 Finds a Home in a Waterpark

Boeing 747s have been turned into hillside homes in Los Angeles, a youth hostel in Stockholm and now one will be the centerpiece of a water park in, of all places, McMinnville, Oregon. The 350,000 pound Evergreen Airlines Boeing 747-100 (tail number N481EV for those interested) overlooks the Evergreen Aviation and Space Museum. This jumbo was first flown on September 9, 1970. It’s hard to believe the 747 is more than 40 years old! It will be in exclusive company: this is the resting place for the famous Howard Hughes-inspired Spruce Goose, as well as a variety of vintage aircraft in the museum’s collection. Plans call for four waterslides from the planes exit doors to the pool below. Opening is set for June 6, 2011. Details here: http://www.evergreenmuseum.org/

The Royal Wedding Takes to the Air

Had enough media coverage of the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton? Prior to the event, British Airways announced it would celebrate the occasion by painting six of its Boeing 747 airliner tails with portraits of William and Kate and four other members of the Royal Family: Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales and Prince Harry. Controversially, Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall was not included, Buckingham Palace had no comment, but British Airways explained her likeness would not grace a tail for economic reasons. A famed Norwegian artist was commissioned to do the work. Samples of the tail artwork is easily found on the internet. While taken seriously by some, the livery plan was met with horror by many, and it didn’t take long to realize that the April 1 announcement was, in fact, an April Fool’s joke. Airlines seem have gotten into the spirit of that event. There were reports that both American and Continental planned to introduce commercials before inflight announcements, easyJet reported the royal couple would be flying them for their honeymoon in Scotland, Swiss planned to hand out chocolate based on frequent flyer status and Westjet was going to add helium to their aircraft to reduce weight.

Coins Fly Lufthansa

The story may have seemed like an April Fool’s joke, but it wasn’t. A Lufthansa flight attendant, struggling to lift her heavy luggage, raised the suspicion of customs officials, and led to the discovery of a €6 million crime. Four attendants routinely carried thousands of scrap euro coins to China where they were reassembled and put back into circulation by exchanging them at the Bundesbank, Germany’s central bank. Flight crews do not have weight limits on their bags. The total amount was substantial, 29 tons in fact, since the operation occurred from 2007 to 2010. The one and two euro coins, both comprised of two different metals, were individually transported in bags in amounts below $10,000 so the carriage was technically legal, but what happened next wasn’t. There was counterfeiting involved in the coin remanufacture, and six Chinese individuals were arrested. The flight attendants did not believe they were involved in any wrongdoing.  The investigation is ongoing.

Not for Wimps

If you follow my column regularly, you know about Air New Zealand’s economy ”cuddle class” (also called the “sky couch”) and the proposed low cost carrier “sky rider”. While the “sky couch” appears to be quite comfortable and is now in commercial use, the “sky rider” appears about as comfortable as a saddle and allows you to lean, but not sit, in flight.  No carrier has adopted it yet, and it’s apparently not yet approved by the authorities. The recent Aircraft Interiors Expo in Hamburg debuted yet another idea, the Not for Wimps (NFW for short) seat, offered by UK manufacturers Contour Aerospace and Factorydesign. While at the concept stage, the premium seat, designed for long haul travel, provides an “intensive gaming experience”.  It is a curved seat with a Kevlar arm that provides a monitor, speakers and the most up to date gaming equipment, although it also includes a docking station so that one could also bring their own gadgets. It’s not for everyone, hence the name. Another seat includes an integrated iPad on the seat back. That’s not as far-fetched as it seems, since the pads have been showing up in airline lounges already. No idea should be dismissed out of hand. Remember initially airline seats were made of wicker!

Air New Zealand’s Been Busy

Air New Zealand seems to be very creative these days, not only with “cuddle class” but with a variety of inflight announcements that have made the news and become the darlings of online social media. They recently did a “Like Totally 80’s Photo Contest” on Facebook contest in the USA to find the American with the best 80’s attire. Think shoulder pads and parachute pants. The best (worst?) entry won a trip to New Zealand and runners-up would get some 80’s paraphernalia including a case of Tab® soda. Check the “Air New Zealand – USA” Facebook page for some of the photos submitted. More outlandish, however, were their safety videos. One was a humor-laced video of a rugby team doing the narrow body Airbus A320 and Boeing 737announcement and included a split second shot of Betty, the streaking granny.  See it here; the granny scene has been made suitable for all audiences; after all it’s shown on the plane!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f1awn9vBZE&feature=relmfu

Another version featured 80’s exercise icon Richard Simmons that included cameos of the airline’s CEO, Rob Fyfe and Phil  Keoghan of “The Amazing Race”. It’s been viewed nearly 3 million times already, and that doesn’t include the passengers that pay attention far more than on other airlines, at least for the entertainment value! Based on the comments posted online, responses range from loving it to gagging. Watch it and decide for yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iaTEgoezNQ

And then there’s the controversial Air New Zealand social media “Rico” spots. Rico is the king of double entendres. Go to Youtube.com and enter the search terms “Air New Zealand” + “Rico” and be warned: parental discretion advised.

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Guest Editor

Guest Editor Joel Chusid

Time flies, and so do I. This blog is a little later than usual since it’s been so busy that I have to squeeze my writing in when I can. Last time it was over the Amazon; today I’m writing this somewhere over frozen Siberia. There isn’t a shortage of unusual airline stories, so I have plenty to draw upon. Enjoy…

Contraband of the Worst Kind

As someone who spends a lot of time in Customs, I see people bringing in a lot of strange things, and animal products tend to raise suspicion among the inspectors. The worst thing is not declaring it and getting caught, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.  And granted, it is the Lunar Year of the Rabbit. So upon arriving at JFK on a Delta flight from Georgetown, Guyana, passenger Roger Levans was following regulations when he declared he was carrying a “cooked rabbit.” Two of his bags contained fruits and vegetables, also prohibited, but when agriculture inspectors opened the third bag to examine the rabbit, they found three bricks of cocaine instead. Oops. A possible explanation was that someone had given him the package to take to the U.S., but rule #1 is never to take a package for someone else unless you know what’s in it.

Unplanned Pork

British carrier easyJet is about as no frills as they come, but you can buy lots of items on board, including bottled water, drinks, merchandise and light meals. Imagine their embarrassment when on a four and a half hour flight from Tel Aviv to London last month the only food they had to offer or sale was ham and bacon baguettes. To its defense, easyJet claims not to carry any pork products and does offer kosher and non-kosher food on its flights to and from Israel…..except on this one day, and the meaty story managed to make it into the Israeli press.

Unplanned Fuel

Speaking of easyJet, their PR department also had to deal with another substance that was loaded on a flight from Birmingham, England to Geneva, the day after Christmas. This time the ground crew provisioned too much fuel, ten tons, in fact, causing the flight to be too heavy to take off. Now any airline person knows if you’re too heavy to land you can fly around and burn off some extra fuel. But this is not an option on the ground. The airline needed to offload some thirty passengers, but only seven volunteered to deplane. The additional 23 poor souls who checked in late were the unlucky ones who were left behind. Passengers claimed they were threatened with arrest if they did not get off. Bags were also offloaded so the plane could take off, so it was not a good start for many people who were headed on their holiday skiing vacations.

Snakes on the Runway

Everyone’s heard the story (or maybe seen the movie) about snakes on a plane. Here’s a case where the snakes, big rock pythons at that, head out on to the runway to sun themselves.  It happens regularly at the Pilanesburg International Airport in northwest South Africa.  The snakes can weigh more than 130 pounds and be as long as fifteen feet, and they can cause serious damage to an aircraft taking off or landing. As there is a strict environmental policy against killing endangered species, specialists come in regularly and move the reptiles to the adjacent “bush”.

Critters on the Plane

As long as there are animals and airplanes, these things are going to happen. Recently an Alaska Airlines Boeing 737 was getting ready to depart SeaTac Airport early one morning for Denver when a rat was discovered running through the cabin. Startled and skittish passengers were quickly deplaned and the aircraft was placed out of service pending the arrival of the exterminator. More disturbing, however, was the story about a passenger who claimed she was attacked by bedbugs in her blanket and on the seats of  not one, but two British Airways flights recently to and from London. She created a website about the experience, complete with graphic pictures and more than you might want to know, and the media was all over it – www.ba-bites.com. A word to the wise: you might eyeball those airline pillows and blankets on your next flight. Of course that’s not a problem in the U.S. where they’ve all but disappeared.

Bagels on a Plane

Passengers boarding a USAirways flight from Boston to Washington one morning claimed to hear suspicious noises from a paper bag in an overhead bin. The crew confronted the bag’s owner, a Florida college professor, who proceeded to get on his cell phone. Handcuffed and escorted off the plane, police later revealed the bag contained a set of keys, a hat, a wallet and a bagel with cream cheese. Just make sure when you’re flying to watch your bagels.

The Secret Life of an Icelandic Flight Attendant

Iceland is a really wonderful country of contrasts, where you can see frozen waterfalls, swim outdoors in the steaming Blue Lagoon all year or try the national dish, putrified shark jaw called hákarl. Icelanders, though, also have a good sense of humor, and the airline Icelandair is no exception. For its Annual Ball Video Competition, one of the submissions went viral and made the rounds on Youtube.com. It’s about a supposed pilot who wakes up in bed after an obviously busy night, showers and very proudly puts on his uniform and heads off to work. Only after boarding it is revealed that the man is actually a flight attendant, although he’s a pilot wannabe. There’s catchy music and a few more surprises, but in the end this short video will leave a smile on your face. See it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p23BMiRu6o.

A Politically Correct Airline

A new airline in Thailand, PC Air, has made headlines by hiring “third’sex” flight attendants. Transsexuals, known as “lady boys” in Thailand, have gone through training and wear special gold name badges. Although common in on the Thai entertainment scene, PC Air’s founder says that he is a believer in equal rights and is helping these young people achieve a dream of being a flight attendant. Flights within Asia are due to start in April.

Women Up Front

Speaking of equal opportunity and in the spirit of Amelia Earhart, this flight wasn’t a global first, but it was unusual. An all-female crew operated an Air Seychelles Boeing 767-300 from Paris to Mahe on March 8. The female senior captain, first officer and the cabin crew were greeted by the media upon arrival. The airline has 462 female and 429 male employees, with an increasing number of ladies taking up senior positions in both in the air on the on the ground flight operations.

Flight Delay in Song

Another story for the ladies:  You’re at the Buenos Aires Aeroparque airport. Your flight is delayed and passenger tempers are frayed, so what do you do? If you’re rock star Cyndi Lauper, you break into song, of course! Using the gate agent’s microphone, she belted out her “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” hit to the delight of the passengers, many of whom chimed in. This just happened last week. You can catch the performance on Youtube.com. One of the videos is here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/12687025.

3-D at 30,000 Feet

In just a few weeks, Nintendo will debut its 3DS game console which gives the illusion of 3-D without the goofy glasses. Using a display developed by Sharp, the left and right eyes see different images. Already in use in games, the technology can be adapted to the aviation industry according to blogger Sam O’Neill, since the cost to produce this has been reduced. Currently 3-D glass-free systems are produced by Sony and Toshiba, but they are expensive. This system could be used for TV and movies or even to project an image from a camera mounted on the nose of the plane. No airline has yet opted to jump into this, so it’s not something you’ll see on your next flight. But as the competition for premium business continues to heat up, sooner or later someone will latch on to it. Think of how long it took movies and telephones to be installed on aircraft after they were first invented!

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Guest Editor Joel Chusid

Guest Editor

Greetings from 30,000 feet over the Amazon! I’m a little late with my column as I’ve been so busy of late. So a six-hour flight from São Paulo to Bogotá gave me some free time to catch up as one can only stare out the window for so long at the jungle below.

Airborne Hazards – Terriers and Tea

Earlier this month a US Airways flight from Newark to Phoenix made an emergency landing in Pittsburgh after an 89-year old passenger let her dog out of a carry-on kennel after its sedative wore off.  “Mandy” attacked a flight attendant and a passenger. The Manchester terrier was only twelve pounds, but apparent size doesn’t matter when it comes to bites. The pilot decided to divert and have the injuries looked at by medical personnel, and 122 passengers were delayed. Mandy and her owner were arranged alternate transportation rather than be the victim of “glares that could kill” by angry inconvenienced travelers likely to mss their connections. A few months earlier, a Ryanair flight from Liverpool to Poznan, Poland made an emergency landing in Bremen, Germany after a 56-year old woman spilled a cup of tea on herself. Ryanair dropped her off, and then, in Ryanair fashion, sent her on her way by train.

Tiger on a Plane

Last August, Thai police apprehended a woman who checked a bag on a flight filled with stuffed tiger toys, since it contained one drugged baby tiger. The oversized bag revealed a live animal during the X-Ray process. The woman was bound for Iran, where the tiger cub would have been sold for $3,200 as an exotic pet. She denied knowledge of the two-month old cub among the toys, claiming she was carrying the bag for someone else. She faces up to four years in prison. Rule #1: You just don’t carry someone else’s bags unless you know what is in them and have seen it with your own eyes! A man arriving in Mexico City last summer was found to have 18 “titi” monkeys stashed in his belt.  These tiny monkeys are a protected species and require a permit for ownership.  Rule #2: Don’t carry animals in your belt! Now the right way to transport animals was what Virgin America did last year in “Operation Chihuahua” when it made news for transporting dozens of the dogs in style to loving homes in New York after the City of San Francisco Animal Care & Control asked for help due to an overpopulation problem.  Complete with red carpet and doggie treats, airline employees volunteered to escort the pooches, which became a media event. There are loads of pictures of the pups, easy to find online.

Nostalgia Flies On

There aren’t that many old Russian airplanes still flying around. Today’s airlines of the old Soviet Union and from countries in the former’s sphere of influence in Eastern Europe have phased them out of their fleet years ago. Even venerable Aeroflot has upgraded to a modern fleet of Boeing and Airbus airplanes.  I’ve flown on some of those old Tupolevs and Illyushins years ago. Latvian Airlines let me observe the landing in Riga from the cockpit on a then ancient Russian jet. There I joined seven others; there was a crew of four, three other observers and no jump seats! (“Just hold on, it’ll be fine!” It was. I have photos to prove it.) I recall a single cloth towel in the lavatory that had a large window. Now, just this week, Azerbaijan Airlines announced new services in 2011 to Russia with Tupolev TU-134 and TU-154 airliners. A scary thought!

Former Airline Staff Get Creative

When airline bankruptcies or shutdowns result in a large number of staff layoffs, employees are often forced to turn other careers to make ends meet.  When Mexicana flight attendants found themselves on the street after the airline shut down, a number of them posed for a pin-up calendar, dressed in bikinis or airline outfits with airplanes in the background. This wasn’t a first, since Spain’s Air Comet flight attendants posed nude for a calendar when the carrier shut down earlier this year. But when Japan Airlines filed for bankruptcy last winter and then had to downsize, it was the flight attendant uniforms that suddenly became valuable. Apparently the ensemble worn by the crews was in high demand for use in Tokyo’s sex clubs, according to the weekly tabloid, Asahi Geino.  The London Times picked up the story. JAL took pains to play down the concern, saying the garments had serial numbers and remained the property of the company when employees ended employment. Reportedly ANA sews computer chips into their uniforms to keep track of them. The tabloid reported a rare full uniform set was available on the Japanese Yahoo auction site for over $3000.

Flight Safety Demo Goes Viral

Philippine carrier Cebu Pacific Airlines has a reputation for keeping passengers entertained with inflight trivia games. Recently some of their female flight attendants danced down the aisles and performed their safety demonstration to the music of Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” and Katy Perry’s “California Girls”. Reportedly this was actually done when the plane was at cruising altitude, with the requisite safety briefing done on the ground properly to remain in legal compliance. Passengers applauded after the show, and some of the videos shot by the passengers made it to YouTube. One of the videos had over seven million hits in five days, but there are dozens more to be found online. Not to be outdone, some male flight attendants got into the act with a musical safety demo of their own.

Weird In-flight Map Locations

I always enjoy watching the inflight map to see the flight’s progress, but I have always wondered who chooses the cities that are shown. Sometimes they’re obscure or places that are far too small to be on a flight map in the first place.  Why does Veracruz, Mexico warrant being shown when Mexico City is left off? Why is Bridgetown, the not very well known capital, labeled instead of the better known island of Barbados?  A year or two ago, BMI caused a storm when the map on its flights between London and Tel Aviv did not even identify Tel Aviv or the country of Israel. Well, it turns out there was an explanation. Two of the airplanes flying the route were acquired from a Middle Eastern airline that had programmed the system to eliminate references to Israel, except for the city of Haifa, which was shown in its Arabic name, Khefa.  The airline apologized and acknowledged it was a technical error, and the planes were pulled from the route.  By the way, on my current flight, the close up map on my current flight is showing no city or even settlement nearby at all, just green jungle!

On the Ground

The Lafayette, Louisiana Airport has special memories for me since it was the airport I flew into on the day American Eagle was born, November 1, 1984, on a spacious Convair 540. It was a big news day in Lafayette, but over the years it’s been pretty quiet. Then just a couple of days before Christmas this year, the airport made news again. A suspicious item in a bag being X-rayed resulted in the airport being closed while the potential danger could be checked out by bomb-sniffing dogs. It turns out the bag contained a frozen chicken and a miner’s headlamp, with wires attached. Oh, and it was stuffed with crawfish, something well known in Lafayette.  People do pack strange things. Years ago I lost a bag when traveling to DFW from Newark. When asked to name some specific, unique items it contained (“not just clothing”), I sheepishly told the baggage claim agent that there were six cans of tuna fish in it.

Speaking of “on the ground”, I can’t resist this. While not an airplane story, it happened in an airport hotel last night in the town of Guarulhos, near the São Paulo International Airport. The bilingual menu offered Spaghetti Bolognese, with “tomato sauce with tainted meat.” I opted for something else.

Have a great year, everyone!

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Guest Editor Joel Chusid

Guest Editor

From Upgrade to Downgrade

People will do almost anything to get an upgrade, especially on a long-haul flight. There are various “legal” methods, using mileage or coupons, and some airlines have a last-minute paid upgrade program. Airlines know that seats being a perishable commodity, the more you can squeeze out of a customer before the door closes, the more profitable the flight.  When the economy cabin is oversold, airlines usually upgrade their elites or have some other prioritization plan if there is space available up front.  In flight, crews rarely have the authority to upgrade anyone.  Even trying to use the lavatory in another cabin is prohibited on some flights. A few weeks ago, a Polish businessman traveling in Business Class on a Chicago-bound LOT flight, demanded during the flight his son be moved up from economy. The crew refused, and a scuffle ensued. The pilot elected to return to Warsaw, and the businessman and son were removed.  Needless to say, the rest of the passengers were not happy, and for good reason.

Mugged on a Plane

Most people feel pretty secure on an airplane in terms of safety nowadays, but what about crime?  Yes, it does happen. When a passenger loses something of a value on a plane, it’s usually because they forgot it in a seat pocket or overhead bin.  I cringe when my fellow passenger clips his Blackberry or iPhone on the seat pocket. I did that once, years ago, on a flight to Miami, and that’s how I almost lost my Palm Pilot. And yes, seats do eat items. On a recent international flight I boarded on arrival, a passenger insisted he had his Blackberry on landing, and then it disappeared.  After an engineer was called to take his seat apart, it was finally found, but it took a half hour.  Items tend to be left behind, and the more electronics we carry, the more it will continue to happen. Airline and airport lost and found departments are full of all sorts of things. Those that don’t get claimed usually end up at the famous Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro, Alabama. (www.unclaimedbaggage.com).

While rare, unfortunately theft can occur, whether from a fellow passenger or yes, even a crew member. They’re human, too. Consider 47-year old Air France flight attendant “Lucie R.” who regularly worked the business class cabin on the busy Paris-Tokyo route.  In January, a number of passengers on a Tokyo to Paris flight reported cash and valuables missing from their carry-on luggage which, of course, airlines don’t take responsibility for. It wasn’t until July, however, that the airline completed an investigation and arrested the flight attendant turned thief.  She reportedly drove an expensive sports car and was enjoying a lifestyle well above her pay level. Police discovered numerous stolen items at her home and in safe deposit boxes ranging from cash, checks, credit card numbers and jewelry that included a Cartier wedding ring. The “mile high thief” confessed to 26 crimes, but Air France believed that there were more. The carrier had reports of more than 142 thefts for the first six months of the year.  Japanese businessmen were known for carrying large amounts of cash, credit cards and valuables and were usually asleep on the red-eye flight when “Lucie R.” had time to rifle through carry-on bags and clothing.  She does give the flight crew profession a bad name, but I don’t think she’ll be flying the routes of Air France anymore.

The Glamour of Flying Redux

Airline travel has changed completely from those golden days of the 60s and 70s, but if you’re one of those nostalgic people who loves to look back, consider joining the Facebook group, “Flying in the Groovy 1960’s and 1970’s”, the era when women wore hats and white gloves instead of jeans and men wore jackets and ties (think “Mad Men”), not shorts and flip-flops, to board an airplane.  Members share photos and videos of that memorable era. The quirky website, “Dark Roasted Blend” also has four separate photo sites devoted to flight attendants (known in that era as stewardesses) and their stylish, sexy outfits that airlines used to sell glamorous air travel. See the site at: http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2007/02/glamour-of-flight.html

Three, Two, One, No Pilots!

Ryanair’s colorful CEO, Michael O’Leary, made news recently by announcing he felt that the airline could train a flight attendant to take the place of the co-pilot as a cost-saving effort. After the initial shock, a lot more has been published on the idea. Think about it. Years ago, trolleys and buses, especially in Europe, had a driver and a conductor to collect tickets.  Some shuttle trains are now operated remotely. So what about airplanes? I admit I am skeptical, and I feel much safer with two pilots up front. The Ryanair idea has actually occurred in practice, in at least two widely reported incidents, although a 2004 FAA found that flight crew “incapacitation” or “impairment” occurred 47 times in one year. On an Air Canada Boeing 767 flight from Toronto to London two years ago, the co-pilot became “belligerent and uncooperative” and was suffering from some sort of mental breakdown so he had to be sedated by two doctors on board. A flight attendant assisted with the landing. Last June a flight attendant, albeit with an expired pilot’s license, helped the captain land an American Airlines Boeing 767 when the co-pilot became ill on a flight from San Francisco to Chicago. The plane can be flown with a single pilot, and computers do much of the work, but that leaves little in the way of redundancy.  The 2004 study concluded that a second pilot was the reason for the exceptionally good safety records of air carrier today.

There are reports that some of the cargo carriers want to develop single-pilot long-haul operations where the takeoff and landing would be handled by a single pilot and the “cruise” would be handled remotely while the pilot napped. And with drones flying military missions, at some point in the future, we might see cargo and then passenger flights flown the same way. The FAA recently funded a grant for Auburn University to study exactly this. Still not very reassuring to me, since I remember the very old joke of passengers being welcomed aboard a plane by a voice that said “Welcome aboard, ladies and gentlemen. This flight is being flown completely automatically. There is no pilot, but do not be alarmed. Nothing can go wrong…can go wrong….can go wrong…..”

Mini Road Warrors

On a given day, there are hundreds if not thousands of children flying alone, what the airlines call “UMs” (unaccompanied minors). They reach their destination safely, although they can occasionally be delayed. Delta switched the paperwork on two nine year olds last summer and sent the Boston-bound kid to Cleveland and vice-versa. A lot of today’s UM’s are as bright, if not brighter, than some adult passengers and those youngsters would never have been forced on a to a plane they believed was not going to their destination. Nine-year old Julien Reid is one of those mini-road warriors, who regularly commutes between his dad in San Francisco and mom in Ottawa.  One early July morning, Julien flew from San Francisco to Chicago O’Hare, then taken to a “cramped” children’s waiting room and forgotten. The young vegetarian was given a McDonalds hamburger and left to the entertainment which consisted of a single video that ran on a loop all day. Late in the day, Julien called his mother on his prepaid cell phone and told her that when he asked, he was told that bad weather had delayed his flight, but she knew the flight he was booked on had already arrived. Demanding to talk to the adult in charge, she learned someone had slipped up. Just a few weeks ago, a Colombian 15-year old was able to fly from Bogota to Santiago, pass through no less than five checkpoints at El Dorado Airport (I’ve personally been through all five!), and wasn’t discovered until he arrived in Chile without documents.  Kids traveling alone are almost invariably well-behaved, but children traveling with families are another story. The website, Skyscanner.com, polled users and found that some, presumably in jest, suggested putting noisy children in the cargo hold.

Thank you Joel.

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Guest Editor Joel Chusid

Guest Editor

Guest Editor Joel Chusid

Guest Editor

Human Cargo

Years ago, when I first joined the airline industry, there was a story about a woman who boarded an American Airlines flight at Kennedy Airport with a heavy garment bag.  Once on board, it was determined that the bag contained the remains of her late husband, which she was taking to Puerto Rico for burial.  Fact or fiction, it became one of those urban legends that was passed along by airline employees with story variations.  Just a couple of months ago, two women attempted to bring the remains of 91-year old Curt Willi Jarant on a flight from Liverpool to Berlin, allegedly to bury him in his native Germany. Mr. Jarant was wearing sunglasses and seated in a wheelchair. The women, who turned out to be the deceased’s wife and step-daughter, claimed the man was alive when they left for the airport.  A taxi driver who assisted in lifting the body out of the car into the wheelchair, was suspicious, and paramedics confirmed the man was indeed dead. The woman claimed they believed the man was sleeping, but pathologists later determined he had been dead for twelve hours before arriving at the airport. At least they bought him a ticket! A court date was set for June.  This brings back memories of the 1989 movie “Weekend at Bernie’s”, complete with the shades.

Comforting Words

While pretty uncommon, people who fly frequently enough are apt to experience some kind of in-flight emergency. Having logged more than 3,700 flights, it’s happened to me. I’ve had a passenger sitting next to me pass out suddenly on my shoulder, causing an immediate diversion to Phoenix, where she was removed. Then there was the more harrowing experience of losing an engine on takeoff at Dallas/Fort Worth late at night during an ice storm.  We proceeded to dump fuel and returned, landing on the frozen runway without incident. It still amazes me how smoothly that went.  Another time, landing at JFK on a KLM Boeing 747 from Amsterdam, it appeared we were clear to land on the same runway as a bright red-colored Braniff Boeing 727. There was a surge of engines as the landing was aborted and a g-around was performed. We flew up and over the New Jersey shore for 45 minutes until the plane could get back into the landing pattern. In these cases, the pilots were my heroes, and the comforting words from the cockpit over the PA system calmed everyone, as they shrugged it off as just a “minor problem”, landing without incident. To passengers flying on Iran’s Aseman Airlines aging Boeing 727-200 last fall, however, the captain’s quivering words after takeoff from Teheran were anything but comforting when he announced “The plane is facing a technical problem and has to return, so please pray.” Iranian airplanes are known to be old and not the best maintained, due to their inability to get spare parts caused by international sanctions. The plane did land safely, and maybe just a few seat covers had to be changed, but I’ve made a mental note to avoid flying on any Iranian carriers in the future.

Ladies Only

Ryanair’s pursuance of removing all but one lavatory on its planes and charging for use of that one has made headlines. Since 2006 ANA All Nippon Airlines has asked its passengers to use restroom facilities at the airport before boarding to help the environment. Now they’ve taken the step of designating one lavatory for women on its larger aircraft serving international routes. Available now on ANA’s Boeing 777s, the pink-logoed door designates the facility for the fairer sex. Exceptions are made when there are significantly more men than women on board or for other special situations. ANA has also installed “washlets”, those famous Japanese toilets equipped with a warm water spray – a far cry from the rudimentary Ryanair latrine. The ladies’ room idea is not a new one. Midway had a designated one on its airplanes, with special amenities, some years back, on its narrow bodies.

Airline 101 Logojet

With Southwest as one of the pioneers in tongue-in cheek type ads and promotions, today’s low fare carriers all try to think up something new. South Africa’s Kuhula Air recently took delivery of a lime green Boeing 737-800, and its livery reflected a real sense of humor, considering the probability that there are many Africans who have not flown in an airplane. The plane includes captions and instructions all over its exterior such as where parts of the airplane are located, but go a step further. The cockpit is labeled “the big cheese” and the lavatory “the loo – or mile-high initiation chamber”,” nose cone – radar, antenna and a really big dish inside”, “black box – which is really orange” and lots more. This one is a head-turner.

Copyright Photo: Ton Jochems. Please click on photo for full view, information and other Kulula logojets.

Too Sexy for Southwest

Speaking of humor, when Southwest Airlines began service, it was known for its flight attendants in hot pants.  Now a controversy has erupted because Southwest’s Spirit in-flight magazine has refused an ad from PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, because it felt it “wasn’t appropriate.” The ad graphic shows an X-ray of a woman wearing a bra and panties and says “Be Proud of Your Body Scan – Go Vegan”.  This brings back memories to me when, in the early years of American Eagle’s Latitudes Magazine, which I had a role in, an ad for a certain tequila had a graphic of a woman’s bare back and said “Lick, Suck, Bite” referring to the salt and lime on the glass on a margarita (in case you didn’t know). Interestingly, a similar ad using a male model had run earlier with the same caption, and no comments were received. The female version of the ad was printed, and an offended reader wrote directly to Bob Crandall, the CEO of AMR, who wasn’t amused.  After that, American Way, which didn’t produce Latitudes, had to review every ad before it was printed.

Recycling That Makes You Wonder

Airports and airlines are big into recycling these days, everything from old newspapers and drink cans, unused food, de-icing fluid and trash. A recent USA Today article did a story on this, and it was the recycling of the Delta Airlines logoed seat covers into messenger bags and laptop cases that caused a little stir on Twitter as flight attendants seemed repelled at the thought of carrying around something with a seat cover that had been sat on, spilled on and who knows what else on by tens of thousands of people….think about it.

Mishandling People

Airlines are familiar with the strict laws involving access and the accommodation of passengers who are physically challenged. Aircraft manufacturers have made changes to airplanes, and airlines have instituted training and modified procedures as a result. The laws were extended to foreign airlines, such as the one I work for, this year, and they have gone out of their way to be in compliance. But incomprehensible things still happen. United Airlines accidentally locked a sight-impaired woman on an airplane, alone, when the flight stopped in Chicago O’Hare en route from Vancouver to Jacksonville just a few weeks ago.  The crew thought all the passengers had deplaned. She heard the door close, tried unsuccessfully to open it, and wasn’t discovered until a cleaning crew finally entered and discovered her. What would have been horrible is if she had successfully opened a door that was not connected to a jetbridge! United settled the matter with a $250 voucher. A sadder experience occurred to 39-year old Welsh wheelchair athlete Richie Powell when he tried to board a non-jetbridged Eastern Airways Jetstream 41 flight at Bristol, England en route to Aberdeen, Scotland to participate in a 10K wheelchair race. Powell had flown all over the world to participate in wheelchair races since he broke his back in a motorcycle accident at age 18. He offered to pull himself up the stairs by his arms, but the airline refused to allow him to board. Luckily, a friend managed to drive him to the race.

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Guest Editor Joel Chusid.

Guest Editor

Left Behind

A year ago, there was the widely reported story of how a United Airlines flight from South America had to divert into a Florida airport because the purser and captain got into a heated disagreement. The Captain chose to land the plane and have the cabin crew member removed. A few months later, United flight 803, a Boeing 777 bound for Tokyo from Washington’s Dulles Airport returned to the departure airport two and a half hours later, because the aircraft was one flight attendant short.  It turns out that the fight was delayed due to a mechanical problem, and the clock was ticking on the crew’s legal length of duty time status, that is the number of hours they could work without a rest. If that time was exceeded, the flight would be delayed even longer until a fresh crew could be found. With the cockpit crew’s legality down to minutes, it was decided to close the cabin door and depart. No one at the time realized they were one cabin crew member short until they were on their way. Talk about red-faced! Apparently passengers weren’t told what was happening until told to prepare for landing at Dulles although a few realized “the sun was on the wrong side.” In this era of cost cutting, many airlines have reduced crews to the absolute minimum, and this was a little too close to the bone.

Crews Behaving (Very) Badly

There is no shortage of stories about passengers from hell, but unfortunately there are occasions where airline crew have been less than professional, sometimes inconveniencing passengers or worse, impacting safety. One day in February, Delta Connection flight 887, operated by Pinnacle Airlines, bound from Rochester, New York to Atlanta, returned to the gate to deplane an ill passenger. At this point, the two female attendants got into a fight, although stories differ between a verbal altercation to a fist fight. In any case, the captain deemed it serious enough and told everyone to get off; the flight was cancelled.  More red faces. But this was nothing, compared to what happened on Donbassaero, a Ukrainian airline, on a domestic flight scheduled to depart Simferopol, in the Crimea, to Kiev, with 85 passengers including the country’s Deputy Attorney General. Police were called to investigate what someone believed to be an alleged inebriated crew member. And it was not just one, so it turned out. The entire crew, both pilots and flight attendants, were tested and found to be drunk, very drunk, at 10 times the legal limit. Talk about playing with fire; let’s hope their “tickets” were pulled!

Anger Management Aloft

Speaking of tickets, how about a winning ticket? A passenger on board Irish carrier Ryanair was traveling from Krakow, Poland to East Midlands Airport in the UK when he won ten thousand Euros on one of the airline’s in-flight scratch cards. Now anyone who has flown budget- obsessive Ryanair knows that its seats are close together, there are no seat pockets or window shades, and anything in the cabin has a price, maybe even lavatory use in the future. So you’d think that giving out scratch cards to win prizes would make people happy. The lucky man on this flight discovered he was the winner of ten thousand pounds sterling, about $15,000. But he demanded to be paid on the spot. When the cabin crew explained they didn’t have that kind of money on board and he’d have to collect his winnings later, the man became enraged and chewed up the ticket and swallowed it, rendering it invalid. Instead Ryanair held a poll to decide what charity to donate the money to. One Suggestion:  anger management classes for this guy?

Hockey and Giant Rodents – Blame Canada!

I happened to be in Canada on Sunday, February 28. It was an eventful day there, with the Olympics final sports winding down, and the closing ceremonies set for Vancouver that evening. An Air Canada flight was scheduled to depart Vancouver for Montreal, but some passengers refused to board, instead glued to airport television screens as the second half of the championship ice hockey game between Canada and the United States were so tense. It would have been unpatriotic to threaten the offending passengers, who were rewarded by seeing their team bring home the gold.  Air Canada took the delay, which they acknowledge was the first time ever for this reason. But a day before, in Ottawa, as Air Canada flight 888 was taxiing to the runway to take off for London, someone spotted a giant rat scurrying in the cabin. All right, this is Canada, but Canadians know the difference between a rat as in rodent versus a muskrat. In any case, there shouldn’t be one on a packed airplane about to take off for a seven hour transatlantic flight. The plane taxied back to the gate; all 205 passengers were quickly deplaned, exterminators were called, and when the bugger couldn’t be found, the flight was cancelled and passengers sent to hotels. Coincidentally a few days earlier, the Canadian Transport Agency had called on Canadian airlines to ban pets on board aircraft because of people allergic to cats. Flight 888 could have used a cat or two on that flight. A couple of weeks later, south of the 48^th parallel, an American Airlines crew discovered 50 roaches on a curtain between the cockpit and galley on a flight ready to depart Miami for Washington. This time the exterminator was successful, and after being treated and the bugs removed, the flight departed 90 minutes late.

Playing Flight Attendant  – Virtually

Remember when “Flight Simulator”  software came out and everyone could be an armchair pilot? Well, it’s maybe not quite as exciting, but someone sent me a little game online that lets anyone with a mouse (the computer kind!) play flight attendant on your PC – in First Class.  The game allows you to make coffee, serve drinks and meals, provide pillows and blankets, corral stray toddlers and encounter all sorts of in-flight challenges. There are beginner and advanced levels, and it certainly gives you a lot of appreciation for the work these professionals of the air do. Go to http://www.shinegame.com/games/first-class-flurry. There is both a free and a paid version with added features (like decorating your cabin!)

Human FOD

Airport workers know the term “FOD”  which stands for foreign object debris, something that can damage aircraft engines that can be anything from an aluminum can to metal parts or other rubbish that may have been blown by wind or somehow made its way to a runway, taxiway or ramp area. A couple of months ago, Kingfisher Airlines flight 803 was two minutes from touchdown at New Delhi International Airport when it had to abort its landing to avoid hitting a naked  man who was lying in the middle of the runway. The man could have been killed by the aircraft. Other flights were also made to hold until police could remove the drunken man from the runway.

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